why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
