Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
