I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
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