So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
