Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
