i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
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It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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