Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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