There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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