Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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