I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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