too bad you live with your parents still
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
