my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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