You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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