i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
