I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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