don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
