Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
