I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
