What a fucking waste of an outfit
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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