South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
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