ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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