becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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