Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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