I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
