dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Actions speak louder than pants.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
