I accidentally had phone sex last night
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
