people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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