I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
