if i died would you start the facebook group?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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