The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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