Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
