somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Randomize