I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Semen is not good for contacts.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
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