I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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