I'd wear matching sweaters with you
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
