we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
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