I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
