I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
