You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize
