Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
we're so committed to being not committed
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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