I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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