so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
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Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
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