Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
