Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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