I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
