whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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