she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
