Define "chronic" masturbator.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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