Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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