I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
You have to summon your inner elephant
Can you bring me the toilet please
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
