I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
