Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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