You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize