we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Randomize
