Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
