I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
