apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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