My Higher Power is John Stamos
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
