dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
