if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
