Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
