I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
