Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Girls should come with a carfax report
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
