I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
