whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
