I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
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