Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
He passed out mid-signature
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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