It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
