He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
