I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
