Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
