I don't usually arrange sex via text message
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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