addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
