Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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