um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Pooping to opera.
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