Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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