I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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