U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
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