I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Randomize