She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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