Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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