I don't think brook has ever known best
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
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As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
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Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
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