i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
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It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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